Season 18 has officially been underway for a week now, and many of us have already become attached to a few Houseguests. Or already decided who we would evict if given the chance… 

Big Brother 18 Episode 5

Join me each week to poke a little fun at the expense of the HG’s sitting on the chopping block! This week we have Jozea Flores, Bridgette Dunning, and Paulie Calafiore in the hot seats for tonight’s eviction.

Bridgette AKA Spunky Spy-

You almost have to feel a little bit sorry for the girl. First week in the house, and she’s already on the block, and stuck in a ridiculous pixel bathing suit. And I would feel bad for her. Except I wasn’t graced with a sympathetic bone in my body, and her squeam (squeal/scream) laugh makes me want to hit my head against the wall. Seriously waiting for Big Brother to say, “Bridgette, stop that.”

Pros for keeping Bridgette-

  • She cleans the house.
  • She’s kind of like a hyperactive puppy. Entertaining for a short amount of time, but then you just want it to lay down and go to sleep.
  • She’s a nurse so she should be able to assist in the event of a medical situation. Though with a messiah in the house, that’s something we shouldn’t have to worry about.
  • She bears some resemblance to Velma from Scooby Doo, and I just feel really at peace about that.

Cons to keeping Bridgette-

  • Squeam-er
  • Creepily looks into the cameras to send messages to her family and friends back home (hope her boyfriend has found her secret love notes).
  • Spy Girls (I lost track of how many times I facepalmed during that segment). So good in theory. So bad in execution.
  • Apparently her favorite player was Victoria… If that’s the case, she needs to go ahead and float herself right on out that double-wide front door.

Paulie-

I feel certain I’ve called him Cody more times that I’ve called him Paulie. So I’ve dubbed him Cody 2.0. Like Bridgette he’s had a rough-ish first week full of pixels and the block, but I don’t have the energy to even consider feeling sorry for him. I don’t think he would wear a lot of proper clothing if he was allowed to, and Nicole has assured him he’s safe.

Pros to keeping Paulie-

  • He can do the lift from Dirty Dancing with Natalie.
  • He actually has a grasp of what this game is unlike a number of the newbies.
  • The Paulie/Zakiyah ship
  • He seems like a good dude?

Cons to keeping Paulie-

  • He flirts with anyone and everyone.
  • He’s sexy and he knows it.
  • The Paulie/Zakiyah ship

Jozea-

I must say I’m a bit jealous of this delusional world that he lives in. I feel like it’s a land where unicorns roam free, and breaking out into choreographed song and dance routines is the norm. Personally, I think he’s secretly jealous of Category 4’s punishment and that’s why he refuses to wear real clothes. The whole house loves him, so he should absolutely be safe this week (all of the sarcasm, people. All of it.).

Pros to keeping Jozea-

  • He is a messiah. Though he doesn’t know about Zingbot so omnipotence must not be in his range.
  • He (thinks) he has at least 80,000 followers on Instagram (he doesn’t… I checked), AND he has celebrity connections.
  • After Big Brother he will a prime candidate to host the Grammys.
  • He can read faces.
  • He (thinks) he could be the next Mario Lopez. So Saved by the Bell and second rate reality show lovers rejoice!
  • Everyone loves him!

Cons to keeping Jozea-

  • ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HE IS PRACTICALLY PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!!

I tried to live in Jozea’s world of pure imagination where everything about him is awesome for a hot second. Go ahead and forget everything about his Pro/Con list. It looks like the 8 Pack is going to send him home this week. Truly hoping he doesn’t pack his bags and his face is as shocked as we’re all expecting.

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