We think Big Brother 2013 cast member David Girton would prefer to be nicknamed “Surfer Dude” but we are going to call him “The Hair” — you know, like Rick “The Hair” Perry. David likes to mumble somewhat incoherently and “get things done by myself.” We think that is maybe more TMI than we needed, David. (cough, cough) He surfs, supposedly lifeguards — although we wouldn’t trust him to rescue us — and does other vague things that earn money and “collects unemployment in the off season.” A true American hero this one.

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