We love writing about Big Brother every season but it’s hard sometimes to come up with fun, witty things to say about the show and the HouseGuests every single day all summer long.
Even on our best day, however, we don’t think we could ever have come up with something like the quote below we just found on Entertainment Weekly. So we briefly interrupt ourselves to ask you to laugh your a** off right along with us when you read it.
This has to be the best ever description we have read of how ridiculously frightened the other HouseGuests seem to be of Amanda Zuckerman this season. Oh, and we get a full run down of how loathed Big Brother 15 cast member Aaryn Gries is at the same time. Two for the price of one!
“Aaryn began her existence as a larval squid-creature in the miasmatic vapor of the proto-Universe before the Big Bang. She threw a meteor at Earth and killed all the dinosaurs just because she was bored. When the Old Gods exiled her to live as a mortal woman, she made a pact with the lesser demons and stayed forever young by drinking the blood of every man, woman, and child in Atlantis. “She destroyed Pompeii because she was testing a nuclear bomb inside of Mount Vesuvius. She tried to assassinate President Martin Van Buren just because he was ugly. Her favorite hobby is stealing lunch money from children, setting the money on fire with matches, and then setting the children on fire with a giant magnifying glass. And even Aaryn is afraid of Amanda.”
Honestly, we hate to ever admit to any failure on our part to entertain and amuse our amazing Big Brother 15 readers, but EW recapper Darren Franich just smoked us with that one. Give credit where credit is due, that is one of the funniest bits we’ve ever read about Big Brother ever.
Applause, standing ovation, and free drinks on us, Mr. Franich!
