When unbridled contradictory lies and comically fabricated betrayal cross paths in the Big Brother 17 house, it can only mean one thing… Vanessa is HOH again!

vanessa 2

Vanessa is HOH – again.

Also…

When unbridled unrequited passion and loin burning lust cross paths in the Big Brother 17 house, it can only mean one thing… Austin’s in love and we have entered the worst soap opera in human history. (One cannot speak for other planets.)

WARNING: This post contains Big Brother spoilers from the Live Feeds that have not yet aired on the CBS show. Please do not proceed if you do not want spoilers!

Given that Vanessa’s last reign as Head of Household left many fans plucking hairs from follicles and downing bottles of Chardonnay and Xanax, chased with heroin, news that she had remained HOH sent a large portion of the fandom into rehab. Those who managed to resist succumbing to alcohol poisoning, and/or drug overdose, have witnessed yet another anxiety-riddled clusterduck that only Vanessa could orchestrate. Thanks Vanessa!

To help you get through the week, a "Vanessa is HOH Starter Pack!"

The immediate hours following last week’s crowning of Vanessa and Jackie as co-Heads of Household were relatively peaceful for Vanessa standards. It was after the “full-proof, 100% plan” to have James throw Battle of the Block failed that things started to reach Vanessa’s level of mania.

The original plan was ‘simple’ enough:

  1. Jackie nominates Liz and James.
  2. Vanessa nominates Becky and Clay.
  3. James throws Battle of the Block.
  4. Play the Power of Veto Competition.
  5. Use the Power of Veto to take James off the block.
  6. Put up Austin.
  7. Evict Austin.

After hours of conversation, and the formation of the final 8 alliance “Dark Moon,” part one and two of the plan were successfully carried out. And it ended there.

Turns out, the Battle of the Block needed a little more brain power, luck and physical prowess than anticipated and Clay and Becky did not do so well. Although Liz pretty much did the entire competition alone, James did make one fatal flaw that helped her win; he pointed out the misspelling in Christine’s name. (Of course, had he not pointed it out, it is highly likely it would be him on the way out this week.)

At this point, you may be asking yourself why Vanessa would put her own ally on the block. The simple answer is because he talks far too much and is horrible at coming up with strategy on his own. For some inconceivable reason, he decided to go to Jason and spill the beans about the second twin (including her name). He also told him that he would be okay if the house decided to get Julia out as long as Liz remains and he can be in jury with her. Needless to say with Jason being the unofficial Town Crier of Big Brother 17, he thought that he would share this news with his besties. He first told Meg and then they both excitedly brought Shelli over to tell her. Shelli, in turn, called Vanessa in so that she could also hear, “for the first time ever,” that the other twin is named Julia!

Of course, having decided to ignore Audrey’s warning about there being a 6-person alliance in the house (Meg even said that the alliance did not even sound that scary to her), Meg and Jason had no idea that Shelli and Vanessa already had this information. For them, this was mostly about confirming what they already knew and being excited about it. The duo could not possibly fathom the poo-storm that this would actually conjure up.

Jason and Austin talk after Austin finds out that Jason told Vanessa and Shelli about what he said about Julia.

Jason and Austin talk after Austin finds out that Jason told Vanessa and Shelli about what he said about Julia.

Austin telling Jason all of this information naturally infuriated Vanessa. Let’s face it, generally speaking, in the game of Big Brother, you do not tell people that they can go after members of your alliance. It also proved that he cannot be trusted with anything.

Vanessa being Vanessa, it was very important for her to “investigate” and “collect several pieces of evidence” and “facts” before she would completely turn on her ally. Being the fair, gracious and evenhanded, non-contradictory individual that she is, she wanted to give Austin a chance to confess and to see if he would lie straight to her face. And lie he did, several times, right to her face!

Vanessa and her Green Beanie Confronts Austin.

Vanessa and her Green Beanie Confronts Austin.

After the Power of Veto competition was played on Saturday, which Clay won, Vanessa decided to confront Austin on everything that he told Jason. And, oooooh was it dramatical!!!

It went a little something like this…

Imagine, if you will, 6 feet of lean mean wrestling machine, staggering across the glass bridge to the HOH room; Austin has arrived to plead his case! You see the fear and anxiety swimming haphazardly across deep, dark brooding eyes, as the bruiser muscles up the courage to fling open the door and make his entrance. As he slinks in, his face is stricken with one soul crushing reality for he had committed the greatest sin that has ever has been; he lied to Vanessa!

Vanessa, for her part, sits disappointed with her shoulders slumped on the bed. She looks up at Austin, “CONFESS!” her eyes demandingly demands.

Austin feels his innards tremble. “The fault is not mine, for I have fallen madly in love!” he states as he wearily ambles over to the couch and flails himself across the cushions.

Vanessa, with her hands to her beanie-hatted head breathlessly says, “But… How could you have lied to me, Austin?”

Austin swings himself around and tosses his dry, dull, dirty, matted, heat damaged hair back in a way that only he would call sexy. “I don’t know Vanessa!” He hangs his head, “I.. I thought it was a plan that was masterful!”

“But why ME, Austin? Why lie to me? WHY?”

“I don’t know! I was being stupid… I… I am falling in love…”

“Buy why did you LIE to her, Austin!” Vanessa’s green beanie begs to know.

Austin belly flops to the floor and slides up into a knelt position in front of Vanessa, “I will do anything, PLEASE will you ever forgive me?!”

“But you know that she hate liars!” Green Beanie says. Vanessa nods in agreement.

“Yes I know! But, you must understand! My days are filled only with thoughts of lovingly caressing Liz’s Helga-From-Hey-Arnold-esque face! Love is a power greater than I and… I simply cannot control it!”

But my zits!” Vanessa yells

But her zits!” Green Beanie reiterates.

Austin clutches his meaty fists together and offers, “I will do anything you want!! I will go scream in Jason’s face! I will go scream in Jackie’s face! I will go scream in anyone’s face! Just say that you forgive me!!!!”

Vanessa points to the mess of muddled tattoos scattered across Austin’s body like trash on the floor of a crack den. She says with a quivered bottom lip, “What does that J on your back stand for?”

Austin stutters.

Green Beanie squawks, “He’s lying again, Vanessa!!

Vanessa says, “DON’T YOU DARE LIE TO ME!! I already know it means JUDAS!!”

“No, I promise! It is for my ex-girlfriend whose name I cannot say or the feeds will be sent to fishes and the live feeders will hate me more than they already do!”

“Oh, okay. Now kiss my feet.”

And that is exactly how it happened.

Shelli's face after hearing Austin say that he is falling in love with Liz. Liz told her moments earlier that she was grossed out by Austin kissing her.

Shelli’s face after hearing Austin say that he is falling in love with Liz. Liz told her moments earlier that she was grossed out by Austin kissing her.

After determining that it was a bad idea to send home a member of their alliance, because the other side had clearly united and really wanted to evict Clay this week (paranoia spearheaded by Shelli learning that people did not clap/cheer hard enough for her son Clay after he won the POV), the great debate on who to put up as Clay’s replacement began.

Vanessa’s biggest issue, in deciding the replacement nominee, was that she did not want to “take a bath in blood” (or “jump into an empty cement pool” or whatever) alone. She needed to make sure she had people on her side who would say that they came to the decision together and also pull in Becky for more numbers since they were changing the plan.

Becky agreed to a four person kind of alliance comprised of herself, Clay, Shelli and Vanessa after simultaneously convincing Vanessa that she is NOT in this fictitious alliance “on the other side” AND that despite this, she has votes from two of them even if she is up against one of their supposed allies. To recap; the leaders of the Paranoid Sense believes that a group came together to form an alliance to get them out, but of that alliance, TWO would vote against an ally to vote for Becky (who is not in their alliance) to stay. You know, crackhead logic.

With Becky on board, and Vanessa deciding that somehow keeping her word to not backdoor Jackie means something given the change in plans, they agreed that Jason would have to be the target.

With the decision to backdoor Jason, the Sixth Sense made themselves more visible to their fellow housemates, who now know that what Audrey said was likely true. The biggest obstacles for Jackie, Meg and James is getting John and Becky to realize that they are on the outside of a bigger alliance and that they should group together to make sure that they do not continue to get picked off one by one. Given that John told Becky that he would put up Meg and Jason, if he won the double eviction Head of Household, the odds that the “outsiders” group up are relatively slim.

Big Brother 17 Clay and Shelli

In the eyes of those outside of the 6th Sense alliance, the biggest betrayers turn out to be Clay and Shelli because so many of “the outsiders” trusted that they were working with them. They feel that the shomantic duo are most responsible for Jason’s predicament and no longer trust a word that they say.  In reality, Meg and Jason wanted to go to the final 4 with Clay and Shelli,  but now they will lose one ally to eviction and another to betrayal. Meanwhile, Vanessa has Austin and the twins squarely on her side.

If only “the other side of the house” was a real thing… We may have a game!

For now, we await Julia’s return to the house to see how she handles the man, who threw her name under the bus, being safe. We also await whether or not Jason has a glimmer of hope of getting the votes to flip the house. If he is evicted, he will be yet another fan favorite (perhaps the last fan favorite in the house) evicted prior to making jury.

Do you think that Jason has a miracle stashed up his sleeves or is he simply dead in the water? Let us know!

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